George Carlin vs Richard Pryor - text
George Carlin:
Here we go, it's George Carlin. I'm a mad dog snarling.
I was born in the Bronx and brought up in Harlem.
I'm dope at spitting bars and getting crowds hardy harring,
While you're the least threatening black dude since Carlton!
Now, there's seven words you can't say on a TV set,
But this is the pissing fucking cunting Internet
And my cocksucking motherfucking bits are the tits!
Non-stopping brain droppings like my wit's got the shits!
So call this Pryor-rhea: I doo doo on you constantly!
No pauses in my punchlines, no commas in my comedy!
You'll be down for the count when this counter-culture counterman
Serves you with a stand-uppercut you can't counter, damn!
I'm Wilder than Gene when I'm killing a beat!
You're steady taking second place, now that's a Silver Streak!
I was born in the Bronx and brought up in Harlem.
I'm dope at spitting bars and getting crowds hardy harring,
While you're the least threatening black dude since Carlton!
Now, there's seven words you can't say on a TV set,
But this is the pissing fucking cunting Internet
And my cocksucking motherfucking bits are the tits!
Non-stopping brain droppings like my wit's got the shits!
So call this Pryor-rhea: I doo doo on you constantly!
No pauses in my punchlines, no commas in my comedy!
You'll be down for the count when this counter-culture counterman
Serves you with a stand-uppercut you can't counter, damn!
I'm Wilder than Gene when I'm killing a beat!
You're steady taking second place, now that's a Silver Streak!
Richard Pryor:
Any rap battles with you, I'll be winning 'em!
Your style's like two drinks: it's the minimum!
(Ooh!) It's ya boy from Peoria, Illinois!
One hand on my mic, one hand on my groin
'Cause ain't no set tighter in this whole damn game
Even the shit that I spit off the top: flames! (Stand up!)
My delivery is rupturing the tummies!
You tell a joke and people go, "Hmm, that's funny."
My mama was a prostitute and grandma ran the brothel!
Seen some shit but not as awful as your haircut debacle!
I'm the original brother (Hey!) to give the scene some color! (Hey!)
The most iconic stand-up comic! Stand down, motherfucker!
Your style's like two drinks: it's the minimum!
(Ooh!) It's ya boy from Peoria, Illinois!
One hand on my mic, one hand on my groin
'Cause ain't no set tighter in this whole damn game
Even the shit that I spit off the top: flames! (Stand up!)
My delivery is rupturing the tummies!
You tell a joke and people go, "Hmm, that's funny."
My mama was a prostitute and grandma ran the brothel!
Seen some shit but not as awful as your haircut debacle!
I'm the original brother (Hey!) to give the scene some color! (Hey!)
The most iconic stand-up comic! Stand down, motherfucker!
Bill Cosby:
(Hey!) You forgot the Cos and you know it's a mistake!
I eat emcees for breakfast like they're made of chocolate cake!
I'm the greatest...
What's wrong... what's wrong with my lip?
Did somebody put something in my pudding?
They put something in the pudding. It's in the pudding...
I eat emcees for breakfast like they're made of chocolate cake!
I'm the greatest...
What's wrong... what's wrong with my lip?
Did somebody put something in my pudding?
They put something in the pudding. It's in the pudding...
Joan Rivers:
Oh, shut up, you stupid son of a bitch, you know you blew it!
I'd have attacked you two first, but your hearts beat me to it! (Oh!)
Cosby, you can't be here! (Ah!) You're making people nervous (Ah!)
So let me end you real quick like I was Hannibal Buress! (Ohh!)
It turns out you were just like your sweater: monstrous!
The men that I slept with only wished they were unconscious!
My sex jokes offend, you're on the sex offender registry!
Oh, who are you wearing now? Is that State Penitentiary?
Enough with the roofies, let me move on to Rufus.
My jokes always had bite, you started out toothless
And you just kept talking, you wouldn't shut up.
Honestly, I'm glad you died. Fourteen specials was enough!
And Richard, can we talk? Can I call you Dick?
Like your fifth wife did when you remarried your sixth?
At this point, I've got more plastic than flesh,
But my Tupperware body couldn't keep your raps fresh!
I'd have attacked you two first, but your hearts beat me to it! (Oh!)
Cosby, you can't be here! (Ah!) You're making people nervous (Ah!)
So let me end you real quick like I was Hannibal Buress! (Ohh!)
It turns out you were just like your sweater: monstrous!
The men that I slept with only wished they were unconscious!
My sex jokes offend, you're on the sex offender registry!
Oh, who are you wearing now? Is that State Penitentiary?
Enough with the roofies, let me move on to Rufus.
My jokes always had bite, you started out toothless
And you just kept talking, you wouldn't shut up.
Honestly, I'm glad you died. Fourteen specials was enough!
And Richard, can we talk? Can I call you Dick?
Like your fifth wife did when you remarried your sixth?
At this point, I've got more plastic than flesh,
But my Tupperware body couldn't keep your raps fresh!
(I think my pudding-)
So don't throw down with Rivers! The flow is too relentless!
I haven't thrashed celebrities this bad since The Apprentice!
I'm closing this battle! No one else compares!
The only place I'm in the middle is on Hollywood Squares!
I haven't thrashed celebrities this bad since The Apprentice!
I'm closing this battle! No one else compares!
The only place I'm in the middle is on Hollywood Squares!
Robin Williams:
Good morning, movie bombs! Nice shoulder pads, chief!
I'm a genie in the bottle for some comic relief!
O Carlin, my Carlin, what can I say about you?
Except I don't think you've had a good shit since 1962!
Mork aged backwards and Joan, you must too!
80 years old but that nose looks brand new! Nanu!
Yo Pryor, I Doubtfire makes a good shampoo!
Left you running down the street like "Oh, no!"
Comedy ain't easy, I've played plenty of dumps,
And believe me, we've all hit plenty of bumps.
(Yeah!) But now I've got the Flubber flows that'll get the club jumping!
You got second-hand raps. "Found 'em Good Will Hunting!"
Got more hair on my arms than a Monchhichi!
And I'll finish this battle like it's Jumanji!
I love the prince, but you'll never have a friend like me!
Thanks folks, that's my time! Gotta set myself free!
I'm a genie in the bottle for some comic relief!
O Carlin, my Carlin, what can I say about you?
Except I don't think you've had a good shit since 1962!
Mork aged backwards and Joan, you must too!
80 years old but that nose looks brand new! Nanu!
Yo Pryor, I Doubtfire makes a good shampoo!
Left you running down the street like "Oh, no!"
Comedy ain't easy, I've played plenty of dumps,
And believe me, we've all hit plenty of bumps.
(Yeah!) But now I've got the Flubber flows that'll get the club jumping!
You got second-hand raps. "Found 'em Good Will Hunting!"
Got more hair on my arms than a Monchhichi!
And I'll finish this battle like it's Jumanji!
I love the prince, but you'll never have a friend like me!
Thanks folks, that's my time! Gotta set myself free!
Season 6
- Freddy Krueger vs Wolveri..
- Guy Fawkes vs Che Guevara
- Ronald McDonald vs The Bu..
- George Carlin vs Richard ..
- Jacques Cousteau vs Steve..
- Mother Teresa vs Sigmund ..
- Vlad the Impaler vs Count..
- The Joker vs Pennywise
- Thanos vs J Robert Oppenh..
- Donald Trump vs Joe Biden
- Luke Skywalker VS Harry P..